Dark Forest Meetings: A Spoof Fic
by Pandean
Summary: A spoof fic centering around what the Dark Forest cats do in their free time. Written in script format versus narrative format. Find out the REAL side of the Dark Forest. Accepting scene ideas. Rated T because it's Warriors.
1. Why It Took So Long For the Dark Forest

1\. **Why it took so long for the Dark Forest to actually do something**

Brokenstar: *Stands on rock* ALRIGHT, is everyone here?

Snowtuft: *rubs eyes* What's the deal with these meetings so early, Brokenstar? I was having this great dream and-

Brokenstar: You're dead, you don't need to sleep.

Snowtuft: Hmmph. Sleep is StarClan. Go worship.

*Tigerstar and Hawkfrost eye each other*

Hawkfrost: *whispers to Tigerstar* He DOES know we're in the Dark Forest, right?

Tigerstar: *whispers back to Hawkfrost* Don't crush his dreams. He really wanted to go to StarClan.

Hawkfrost: *whispering to Tigerstar* What did he even do to get here

Tigerstar: *whispers back* I...don't even know.

Mapleshade: *randomly appears seemingly out of thin air* WHAT ARE YOU TWO TOMS WHISPERING ABOUT? RUINING SHE-CATS LIVES? HMMM?

*Tigerstar and Hawkfrost jump 5 feet in the air*

Maggottail: You know, Mapleshade. You really work against yourself with your anti-tom crusade.

Mapleshade: Your mother named you after a maggot, you don't get to talk.

Snowtuft: *laughs* Good one, Mapleshade.

Maggottail: *glares at Snowtuft* Because Snowtuft totally sends fear into the hearts of our enemies, right?

*All cats besides Brokenstar start fighting and arguing*

*Thistleclaw comes out, stretching and yawning*

Thistleclaw: Hey guys, what'd I miss?

Brokenstair: *sighs* No wonder our revenge plot has taken 24 books.


	2. On Darkstripe

**2\. On Darkstripe**

Darkstripe: I'm here guys! Ready to work!

Brokenstar: *looks over in distain* You're not needed here.

Darkstripe: YES I AM. Seriously? WHO is the most LOYAL cat there is besides me?

Snowtuft: ...Didn't you change Clans twice, betray two leaders, get killed by a kittypet, then join up here after begging for StarClan?

Darkstripe: *looks away* That was a long time ago. I'm ready now!

Tigerstar: Okay, Darkstripe. We have a special job for you! *glances at Brokenstar*

Darkstripe: *ears perk* HMMM?

Brokenstar: *sees Tigerstar's glance* We need you to scout out suitable training areas! Go through the whole forest! Take as long as needed

Darkstripe: On it! *whisks away*

-Group collectively sighs in relief-

Tigerstar: Seriously? Who invited Darkstripe? *looks at Thistleclaw*

Thistleclaw: Who me? Why blame me? I wasn't even alive when he was. You're just blaming me because I'm less of a main villain, aren't you?

Tigerstar: You're both ThunderClan.

Mapleshade: ThunderClan! I'd kill them all if I could!

Maggottail: *under his breath* Here she goes again...

Mapleshade: *ranting* WHY do you TOMS always waltz in like you own the forest? I've done worst things than ALL of you and do I lose my head? NOOOO. I'm humble, I wait and train, I am LOYAL. You all are just- *Hawkfrost pushes her in the filthy water*

Hawkfrost: Oops. Sorry. But seriously, who invited that mouse-brain? I swear, didn't we agree last time not to invite him? He ruins EVERYTHING. And he has a stupid name. *stomps paw on ground*

Maggottail: *muttering* Oh, Darkstripe is a stupid name? But Maggottail is just completely fine.

Mapleshade: *shaking off water* You're just jealous that your mother was awful and not as wonderful as I was.

Maggottail: *growls*

Snowtuft: *mutters under his breath* Because letting three kits drown is totally the epitome of motherhood.

Mapleshade: WHAT DID YOU SAY?

Snowtuft: *this she-cat is crazy look* You are a wonderful mother who did everything possible for her kits and we should all resolve to be like you.

Mapleshade: Better.

Brokenstar: *annoyed look* So...about destroying StarClan and the Clans...can we get on with it now?


	3. The REAL Reason Tigerstar Did all he Did

**Setting: On ThunderClan territory**

Darkstripe: TIGERCLAAAAW? TIGERCLAAAAW? Oh! HI! I found you! WANNA SHARE TONGUES?

Tigerclaw: *plotting/sharing tongues with Brokentail* Can't I get a moment's peace?

Setting: Tigerclaw is exiled

Tigerclaw: FINALLY I-

Darkstripe: TIGERCLAW! HI! I saw you by the Twolegplace! How's it been buddy?

Setting: Tigerstar has taken over ShadowClan

Tigerstar: Finally. Safe at last.

Darkstripe: OMSC TigerSTAR? You're a leader? WOW!

Setting: TigerClan Bonehill

Tigerstar: Kill that cat *prays Darkstripe dies in attempt*

Darkstripe *almost dies without Blackfoot* I TRIED SO HARD!

Tigerstar: Ugh.

Setting: Scourge killing Tigerstar

Darkstripe: NOOOOOOOOOO

Tigerstar's spirit in the DF: FINALLY, some peace and quiet.

Setting: Darkstripe int he DF:

Darkstripe: TIIIIIGERSTAAAAAR?

Tigerstar: StarClan help me.


	4. How the Dark Forest Cats Decided

**AN: Note, none of these are necessarily in any type of chronological order or anything.**

 **How the Dark Forest Cats Decided Who to Train**

 **Brokenstar: *goes on his rock* ALRIGHT, GATHER ROUND.**

Tigerstar: *muttering* Who died and made him Clan leader?

Hawkfrost: Technically? Raggedstar.

Thistleclaw: *joins in* Not that it matters. We're all already dead.

Darkstripe: *running at full speed toward the meeting area* HI GUYS WAIT UP! YOU FORGOT TO TELL ME YOU CHANGED THE MEET UP PLACE! HEY TIGERSTAR HEY!

Snowtuft: Riiiight. Forgot. How silly of us.

Tigerstar: Having Darkstripe following me is more of a punishment than this place will ever be.

Brokenstar: *unaware of the bickering going on below* SO we need to think of cats we can train to turn against the Clans! Does anyone have any ideas?

Mapleshade: *appears from nowhere and other cats jump in fright* That poor kit from ThunderClan, Blossomfall. Normally I'd want to destroy all of ThunderClan but SHE, I will ally with, to HELP me do so. She's been neglected by her mother and I'LL prove I will be the GREATEST mother to her and together we'll FINISH THE CLAN *spittle foams at mouth*

*All cats take a few pawsteps away*

Brokenstar: *Eye twitch* Thank you, Mapleshade, for your contribution. Anyone else?

Tigerstar: Breezepelt of WindClan. We can use his hate.

Hawkfrost: *fur fluffs up* Breezepelt? Isn't he a little too evil for us?

Tigerstar: *glares at his son* Well, who would you suggest?

Hawkfrost: *puffs up chest* Ivypaw of ThunderClan. Her jealousy over her sister makes her a prime target. Besides, her sister is in that StarClan prophecy thing.

Maggottail: *hisses* I remember jealous oh so well. When I was alive, I was named Maggotkit with a sister named Starkit! She was named after the stars herself and was deluded into thinking there was a special prophecy for her. But I straightened her out...but still, I think of Starkit's name and know it should be MINE.

Snowtuft: *mutters* Y'know I got a pretty stupid name too but I don't go on any rants about it.

Brokenstar: *rolls eyes and mutters* Can we just get through ONE meeting without arguing? *says in a louder voice* Anyone else?

Darkstripe: Tigerheart! He's Tigerstar's son and looks just like him! He'll do great!

Thistleclaw: I'm not sure. *ear twitches* He's not very hateful and pretty happy-go-lucky...Maybe his sister would do better. She's so serious; she'd probably accuse someone with murder at a Gathering. *laughs*

Tigerstar: Are you saying my son isn't up to task?

Thistleclaw: don't you think you're being a liiiiitttle favorable to your kin?

*Both cats are about to fight*

Darkstripe: TIGERSTAR WOULD NEVER BE ANYTHING BUT FAIR AND JUST.

Snowtuft: *mutters to Maggottail* Which is exactly why he's here, right?

Mapleshade: I AM THE FAIREST AND JUSTICEST OF ALL. WHO KILLED RAVENWING? I DID! WHO KILLED FRECKLEWHATSHERFACE? I DID. WHO KILLED APPLEDUSK? I DID. WHO MADE THUNDERCLAN AND RIVERCLAN SUFFER? I DID!

Brokenstar: *looks down at the bickering cats then up at the endless trees* At this rate we'll be destroying the kin of the kin of the kin of the kin of the kin of the kin of the kin of Firestar's kin.


	5. Discussions of Death and Democracy

**5\. In Which The Cats of the Dark Forest Discuss Death and Democracy**

Setting: Brokenstar's rock

Brokenstar: *yowls on rock* ALRIGHT, LISTEN UP. Brainstorming session.

Snowtuft: *looks and whispers to Maggottail* Seriously; why is Brokenstar always leading this talks? Aren't we all supposed to be senior leaders or something? The eldest of us should lead.

Maggottail: *spittle at mouth* I was dead before your mother's mother was ever kitted!

Snowtuft: Exactly-Wait? You were? How are you even still around? Aren't you supposed to disappear once you're forgotten? Even Mapleshade is more visible than you and no one remembers her.

Mapleshade: *jumps out from behind the rock* WHAT? EVERYONE remembers ME! I am the MENACE of ThunderClan, the DESTROYER of RIVERCLAN, the-

Sparrowfeather: *underneath the rock where she's been hiding this whole time* *whispers* The Killer of Medicine Cats and Grieving Queens and Unworthy Toms, the AllMother of Kits, we know, we know. You don't have to do this ever time you're mentioned.

Snowtuft: *thinking to himself* On second thought; maybe that's why everyone remembers her.

Mapleshade: SEE. I SHOULD BE LEADER.

Thistleclaw: Oh, really? You weren't even a deputy.

Mapleshade: Neither were you!

Thistleclaw: BUT I WAS CLOSE. SO CLOSE. IF BLUESTAR HADN'T HAD TAKEN AWAY MY ONE CHANCE AT THE SPOTLIGHT AFTER SHE STOLE SNOWFUR AND WHITEKIT *starts crying*

Tigerstar: There, there. *runs tail over his mentor's back* *Looks at others* He's still very sensitive about the whole mate-and-kit thing.

Darkstripe: *running in a top speed* SEE, Tigerstar is COMPASSIONATE! He'd make a GREAT leader.

Brokenstar: We don't need compassion in a leader.

Snowtuft: *muttering* We also don't need someone who thinks training kits to be warriors is an actual plausible idea.

Brokenstar: Hey! I was trying to be innovative. You can't blame me! One day one of my ideas will become famous!

Hawkfrost: Because you're not famous already for y'know, killing kits and being killed by an old medicine cat?

Thistleclaw: You were killed by your own brother, shut up.

Hawkfrost: *hackles rise* Well YOU were killed by a BORDER patrol.

Tigerstar: He does have a point; I expected more of you.

Hawkfrost: You got nine lives ripped out of you at once, you can't talk.

Tigerstar: *is about to speak*

Darkstripe: *jumps in* ONLY BECAUSE SCOURGE CHEATED.

Sparrowfeather: *calmly grooming herself* How did you two die anyway? *looks at Snowtuft and Maggottail.*

Snowtuft: You know...*thinks and sticks out tongue* I don't remember.

Maggottail: I ate a bird with some maggots in it and got sick.

Snowtuft: So your name was posthumously changed to Maggottail?

Maggottail: *looks away* No. It was just a lucky guess.

Snowtuft: That's harsh.

Brokenstar: *clears through* BACK TO THE PLAN.

Maggottail: WE STILL NEED TO CHOOSE A LEADER

Mapleshade: I humbly accept the position and will do my best to serve and mother all of you.

Sparrowfeather: No one asked you. I'd rather not be followed by the crazy she-cat.

Mapleshade: We're the only known Dark Forest She-Cats! We need to stick together!

Sparrowfeather: *sarcastic* Oh? Should I make us matching collars?

Tigerstar: NO COLLARS. Especially not one with teeth on them.

Hawkfrost: Maybe we could hold a vote?

Snowtuft: A vote? Have you been sleeping for the last four entries of this?

Hawkfrost: Entries of what?

Snowtuft: *glances at Maggottail who puts away a tape recorder* Never mind.

Thistleclaw: This is the Dark Forest. Not a Democracy.

Tigerstar: *thinks* Maybe that's been the problem all along. If the Clans were democratic instead of Monarchic, we'd all not have had to do the things we did!

Sparrowfeather: Well, it's too late now. What're you gonna do? Appear in cats dreams and convince them to take over the Clans for a glorious new age of Warriors? *snorts* Typical.

Brokenstar: You know...she may be onto something.


	6. On a New Era

**On a New Era**

Setting: By the river

Brokenstar: *jumps on a tree limb* I thought we could have a chance of setting this time.

Snowtuft: *mutters* What change? We still have to stare up as his flea-bitten pelt.

Sparrowfeather: *hisses* Don't complain. I sleep under that rock. Here is better.

Silverhawk: *waltz in* So, what are we discussing?

Brokenstar: WELL, if you'd BEEN here for the last several meetings instead of doing whatever it is you do

-montage of Silverhawk pulling pranks on Darkstripe-

Brokenstar: THEN you'd know. Seriously; even Sparrowfeather was there, though she was sleeping.

Sparrowfeather: I heard you all. I'm a light sleeper. *mutters* Unfortunately.

Tigerstar: *jumps on branch, almost pushing Brokenstar into the water* NOW. We all should discuss what our New Age of the Clans should be, after we win the whole battle and all.

Snowtuft: Aren't you counting your prey before it's caught?

Tigerstar: Do you DOUBT my abilities to bring in a new age, Snowtuft?

Snowtuft: Well, your track record is pretty bad.

Brokenstar: *shoves Tigerstar* THIS IS MY SPOT.

Tigerstar: *shoves Brokenstar* NO IT'S MINE. I WILL FINALLY HAVE THE SPOT I DESERVE.

Hawkfrost: *looks at his father in embarrassment and coughs* So, I think that all Clans should be ruled with Democracy. No more leader picks deputy who becomes leader afterward. All the cats will vote.

Maggottail: And we can influence the vote?

Hawkfrost: Naturally.

Mapleshade: *rising from the water* AND WE CAN MAKE IT A HAVEN FOR ALL QUEENS AND KITS REGARDLESS OF CLAN STATUS RIGHT SPARROWFEATHER. ANYONE WHO WANTS TO EXILE THEM WILL BE FORCED TO FIGHT AN ELITE GUARD FOR THE QUEENS WHO WILL CATER TO THEIR EVERY NEED. RIGHT?

Sparrowfeather: Why am I always lumped into your plans because I'm a she-cat?

Brokenstar: *raises his voice over Tigerstar's yowling* NO! All the weak must be driven and killed off!

Snowtuft: Even the kits and queens? You DO know how a clan is populated right, Brokenstar? Or no, I mean, you did have a problem with that when you were alive.

Maggottail: *snickers*

Brokenstar: Only the strongest kits will survive!

Hawkfrost: And how will we test their strength? Make them race to their mothers belly? *scoffs*

Mapleshade: WHAT about Medicine Cats? I don't want ANY after what Ravenwing did! And Starclan...StarClan...

Silverhawk: They can always talk to us after we kill StarClan. And honestly; I think we should have someone who knows how to heal wounds. Like, I mean, Snowtuft, Maggottail, didn't you both die from sickness or wounds?

Snowtuft: I don't remember how I died, honestly. Maggottail died from a belly ache after eating a sparrow with maggots in it.

Silverhawk: *muses* So that's how he got his name...

Maggottail: NO! ...It was just a lucky guess.

Thistleclaw: *ears perk up* Uh oh. You-Know-Who is coming. Everyone, scram!

*All cats climb up trees and out of sight with Brokenstar and Tigerstar still fighting for their spot on the branch*

Darkstripe: GUYS? GUUUUUUYS? Clawface said you'd be here!

Tigerstar: *quietly* Curse that Clawface. Really, he doesn't do anything useful.

Darkstripe: GUUUUYS? I thought we were gonna talk about our plan for the new Clan? GUUUYS? *runs a length aways and back* GUUUYS? Are you testing me?

Snowtuft: *to Sparrowfeather who is beside him* I can't understand how that cat doesn't realize we don't like him.

Sparrowfeather: *to Snowtuft* Some cats are born with thistledown for brains. Not just him. *points tail to Mapleshade*

Snowtuft: You really don't like her, huh?

Sparrowfeather: She's crazier than a fox in a fit. I wish she'd be double dead already.

Brokenstar: *still wrestling with Tigertar in the tree* AHAHA *Pushes Tigerstar out into the water* I WIN

*Tigerstar falls into the water right before Darkstripe.*

Darkstripe: *Ears and tail perk up* TIGERSTAR. TIGERSTAR! *runs around him as he climbs out of the river like a kit* *purrs*

*Tigerstar looks up at trees with a "help me" expression*

Brokenstar: Okay, next meeting is how we get rid of Darkstripe.


End file.
